My inbox...

...is full of plane reservations and emails containing plans and times of airplanes touching down in Tulsa, or cars driving to Bartlesville with the most precious cargo of all....

... the kids I love.

Oh, how I love those emails... the Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings under my roof... and the Blessings God has givien me in children... and their friends.


I give thanks...

Anatomy of the Heart...

When in Respiratory Therapy School I had the privilege of watching open heart surgery. I also saw an autopsy. The hearts in each, obviously, were very different. One was full of life, color and active... the other cold, still and gray. A living heart is truly a sight to behold. It is hard to describe. It is the center of life. The intricacies that make the fiber, 4 chambers and various valves come alive and perform their task 80-100 times per minute for 80 some years on the average... are quite simply, amazing. It is an engineering miracle...a designer's dream... and on top of that, there is some kind of connection between the brain and heart to house emotions...

A "full of life" heart is what the Creator intended for all. One that beats with excitement at many different things... and when poked, bleeds. I've concluded in painful times of life, and believe now, that it is in that bleeding when a heart is pricked, that one really begins to have an understanding of real life. It is bleeding, even in spurts, that makes life so evident on a surgery table ... and in our emotions toward those we love. Indeed, I've concluded that the amount of bleeding done emotionally when under duress or when "poked", is directly proportional to the depth of understanding and love in the "poking" relationship. When my Dad died my grief was unbearable, because of the great depth of love we shared as Father and daughter... my Mom, too. And today, I can't describe for you what bleeding takes place when I think of... the one with which I still desire to share my heart and life. Indeed, the one I am convinced I need to share my heart and life. So, all I can do is remember... how much depth of life, love and living we shared... and be thankful that the bleeding reminds me of the joy shared between us.

And then there is the cold, gray heart. I am not naive enough to ignore the "poking" of hearts who upon remembrance, bleed for what they never had, or can't bleed at all. My heart goes out to them, and it is the desire of my soul to give them a taste of what I've been given. But, hearts that have bled too much are hard to revive. But some do, and those I have seen turn around to fullness of life give me some of the greatest joy on earth... realizing that with God, the Giver of life, even the "poking" can now lead to that joy of life found in relationships. My hope for those who walk this path is to realize there is a bleeding that brings life... and thus, joy with remembrance. No where better depicted is this bleeding to life than at the Cross...


As for me, today my heart bleeds... and it also remembers... and that is a good thing.

Psalm 90: 10-12

As for the days of our life, they contain seventy years,
Or if due to strength, eighty years,
Yet their pride is but labor and sorrow;
For soon it is gone and we fly away.
Who understands the power of Your anger
And Your fury, according to the fear that is due You?
So teach us to number our days,
That we may present to You a heart of wisdom.


Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Engaged...

May I present to you...
Becky and Adam, engaged October 14th...

26 Years ago....

... David and I learned we were pregnant a second time. It was a Thanksgiving gift to us. As we had lost our first, we entered this pregnancy with some apprehension, but soon we realized, we were going to be parents in life. It was at that point we began praying for this child's heart to love the Lord early in life, serve Him with their whole heart, and to keep in His training and care one who, of His choosing might be this child's spouse. Months later Becky arrived, and years later Adam has arrived...another Thanksgiving gift! It is with great praise and rejoicing that I look forward to the day I can tell you all I have 3 sons... at the union of Becky and Adam. Little does Becky realize the great joy she brought to us... as a child and now a beautiful, fun-loving godly woman. And little does Adam realize how fun it is for me to know of whom I have lifted up in prayer all these years... and he is everything for which I had hoped and prayed.

It is with a heart of wishing I could share this with her Father...since we knelt in prayer so often together. How I have longed to share this joyful answer to prayer with him. But it is much more sweet than bitter as my daughter has been given a companion for life that loves the Lord... and her... with greatness in heart. What more could a Mom want as she lays her head down to rest at night?

He is faithful... in spite of me.

Becky, I love you sooooo much...

And Adam... I love you already...

It's been 7 years today...

... and my God was as good on the day I buried my dear husband as on the day I married him. His goodness doesn't change.

7 years have passed quickly and yet I sometimes "dread" that these next years might pass slowly in ways. (Though at my age, slow is becoming more of a welcomed word!!!!) But, I know I look back with continued gratefulness for a husband who loved his family passionately, planned for us diligently, and showed us how to live a life and yes, die, devoted to God and family, while providing for us in every way. Yes, David is significant to our family even today, in spite of his absence.

How thankful I am...

Anticipation...

Hurricane Ike has made a huge impression... 600 miles in diameter worth. I've spent many wonderful hours sailing through the mouth of Kemah, eating on the Kemah parkway watching other sailboats sail out to the Galveston Bay with my dear husband and family, or taking my children to canoeing lessons in Dickinson. The pictures of the roads, the restaurants in Kemah... they bring back wonderful memories. And, friends. I've prayed for them all night, anxiously tried to contact them today. So far, Christens made it through a very noisy night, with horizontal rain, though very little. DeGrays are ok, though the garage roof is damaged, and the church has been hit very hard... all doors blown out, roof taken off the Life Center, with all the ensuing damage. Kittles are safe too, and water was inches from their house. Derricks, Rasks, Graves, Carmen, and Weichbrodts (along with many others) I have not heard from.... which brings me to anticipation...

... how I long to hear that all my friends are fine. Calling on their cells and getting no answer brings a certain disappointment to the anticipationn of hearing their voices and knowing they are ok. I anticipate hearing their voices and the sense of relief and joy that brings.

I just want to hear from them

...and then I think...

Do I anticipate hearing my Lord's voice as much? Do I long to have that quick call from Him... and do I have immediate response of relief and joy from hearing His voice? Do I anticipate His coming... watching with great desire...longing to see Him as much as I do my child when he returns from an Asian country after a year at school? I can answer those questions... and I don't like the answer...

Like most, I wait for Him in great anticipation when... I am in need or pain. In that situation I tend to expect His arrival, I long for Him to arrive. But in times of joy or comfort I take for granted His availability at my convenience. I fail to recognize He is as anxious to hear from me as I am to hear from my friends. He longs to meet me when or where ever... as a wonderful Father and friend... and how often I am too busy to take the call... or, God forbid, look at the caller ID and choose not to answer! And many are the reasons why...

So, cultivate in me a heart, O Father, that longs to hear from You and responds to you, as I know I will respond when I hear Dusty, Carrie, and Carmen's voices on the other end of the phone line...

And may I look to Your coming as I much as I look forward to again having a lunch with them...

And I really do love my time with You... help me to prioritize it...

May we all live in anticipation of His call...

To my kids...

To my kids:

Fly. Fly with only one "homing instinct"... the Lord. All else is either immaterial or an idol.

Be careful... ideas can be the enemy's "weapons" to twist the Lord's directions, or the Lord's great gift to you... know Him well enough to know the difference!

Remember... you have an earthly Mother that loves you very much... and wants you living life doing what He needs you doing... no matter how far it takes you...
... and that the love she has for you is "pale compared to your heavenly Father's love'!

Live by the Greatest Commandent... promoting personal responsibility, keeping each other accountable...


...and the reward will be full.

I love you,
Mom

Life... she is a changin'...

(Jonathan's graduation from ACS... Katie, Becky, Mom and the Man of the day!)

Well, here we are in a hotel for a final night's sleep before Katie ascends the local mountain upon which is perched Covenant College. Jon and I help unload her tomorrow and get her moved in. She has responsibilities as the discipleship coordinators team leader of her dorm this year, and her job starts in earnest as soon as she arrives. Part of that outreach starts Friday as she welcomes new students, ie., Freshman, onto campus. That will include her brother! So, on Friday Jon and I will ascend Lookout Mountain and unload his belongs... and that night I will return to my Hampton Inn room... alone!

Wish I could express for you the whole of emotions that goes on with one looking at an empty nest... especially one as "nurturing" in personality as I, but I doubt that even I know the vastness of any upcoming feelings. I have done this 3 times now, and love to see each child become who they are, apart from me... and yet, I miss them so much. But this time no one is left to take the brunt of my "mothering" and provides a very different kind of "empty nesting".

This spring was very hard... and I know that this fall will bring new opportunities to grieve. I know that I will grieve the "loss" of my babies and being needed by them (to some extent), but the loss of my companion David will be central to it all. David and I dreamed of these days together... spending more relaxed time with each other doing whatever we decided to do.... visit the kids, travel, dream, and minister together. And now I find myself facing the loss of those dreams, again, and yet I understand that I have the great privilege of asking God to show me, as a single woman, the dreams He has for me. These next steps are just an adjustment... nothing new to life, and I choose to smile at the adventure. As a matter of fact, I can hardly wait to see what is around this last empty nest...

Besides, do you know how long it has been since I could do things on a daily basis just for ME? 27 years... wonderful ones, yes, but....!!! So, do you know who is going to enjoy being her own boss and sole proprietor of her time? ME! And my plans are to not become committed to many things very quickly. I need time to sit in my home alone and study the Word, think, be quiet, pray and remember... bringing both tears and laughter to my days and nights, I am sure!

"There is a season ... for all things."

And, I am going to truly live it!!

Olymic winners...

The Casselberry family is glued to the broadcasting of the Olympics. It is a given, whether it is Summer or Winter events. We are addicted... no bones about it. The Summer has a special interest for us as the kids swam on the P-66 swim team for years, and under one of the most reputable experts in swimming, even today recognized internationally. However, his attentions at that time, were mainly given to those he thought could be Olympic winners and the rest didn't get the help they needed. As it is, 2 of the swimmers in Becky and Ryan's group under him swam at the Olympic trials this year. Gary and Michael have done very well... but, there was a whole pool full of swimmers that swam with them who never made it to Nationals, let alone Olympic trials. None will ever have the noteriety of having 8 gold medals hanging on their neck gracing the front of Sports Illustrated... check out that Michael Phelps! Or nail the high bar with an extremely difficult routine like our OU Sooner, Jonathan Horton!

And, as we remain glued to the excitement of medals, the sorrow of knocked over hurdles, the off balance falls, my heart has basked in gratefulness. Gratefulness that I don't have to live life in perfect balance, dominating endurance, and perfect form. All of us in the pool of life just won't measure up to Gold Medal performances. I'm not the perfect mom or friend. Further more, my nature is to not do the hard work it takes to pursue the excellence needed in all areas of life. Sure there are a few that gain my unyielding passion, but settling for mediocrity or just good enough seems very acceptable at times in the face of extreme commitment or the pain in reaching my goal. It is for that reason, the lack of performance in life to strive in all things to do what is right, where deep gratefulness resides. Gratefulness to God that it is not my performance or works that makes me His child. When life is on a high balance beam and I loose balance, it is not me on whom I depend. When I can't seem to go on anymore and feel the waters closing in, unable to get enough breath, it is He who gives me enough stamina to take one more stroke or dive. He is a coach that hasn't ignored me in the pool of life because I'm not a "champion". No, because of the shed blood, death and resurrection of the perfect One, you and I are seen as Champions in all things, if we have believed and embraced this truth about his sacrifice. Indeed, it is His Son, who helps me finish the race...and the perfect One sees me as His child and promises me rewards and a place with Him... a place dressed in gold, with singing of praises instead of a national anthem!

Yes, the Olympics are a huge part of the Casselberry's lives this week. But, may the Olympics of heaven be the daily passion of our hearts, the very balance of our lives. May we drink deeply of the gratefulness of challenge and in the realization that there is a coach that is perfect in our training. Living with Him eternally is the real gold medal.

It's warm, windy and unpredictable...

... ahh, who says that we can't see God? In the power and the warmth of spring, and flowers that bloom, He gives evidence through His creation of who He is.

... in warmth, in wind, in rain, and severe weather... there is one that causes flowers to bloom, the sun to rise and set, and men to lean on God.

...tonight 9 are dead 80 miles from here due to tornadoes. They are still searching for more to help, or count.
May they find help in His incredible leading and care, and still find flowers that are blooming...evidence of His care in the midst of their chaos and helplessness. May I be diligent to pray for them....

May we always know Him, and know Him well.

Hugs to you all...

Of bannisters and gloves...

Two events in life will always bring a sense of wonderment and awe to how fearfully and wonderfully we are made. The first was experienced several years ago when my brother, Monte, and I decided to rent the house we were raised in for a family reunion in South Dakota. It is now a Hunting Lodge. All of us cousins went throughout the house together, remembering the laughter, the sorrow (my uncle died there of aortic cancer, I found him as he cried for help bleeding to death), the games of hide and seek, and the bedrooms so cold we could see our breath at night as we huddled beneath our flannel covers. Then it happened. I touched the bannister of the stairs as I was about to descend them...and it felt like yesterday. The touch in my fingers and brain were not at all aware it had been 35 years since I had touched the smooth wood...they knew the banister. They had been inseparable over the years, forever etched in my nerves and memory. And I was filled with awe...and still am.

The second happened on our way to Lookout Mountain. It was a cool morning and I asked Jonathan to grab my driving gloves from out of my purse. I had pulled them off of the closet shelf a couple of weeks ago, just in case I would want them in the cooler weather of Oklahoma. Jonathan dug around and pulled them out and said, eyes bright and dancing, "Grammie,... they smell like Grammie!" Sure enough, he put them up to my nose and we both smiled and laughed. It has been 7 years since we said good-bye to Grammie as she went home to the Lord, and our sense of smell remembered her on this small article of clothing. At Covenant, we made Katie close her eyes, and putting the gloves under her nose (she was apprehensive :0)!) she immediately said, "Grammie!" Grammie's aroma brought joy to our hearts and smiles to our lips. How marvelously our smell and brain worked to remember and recall our love for her just with a whiff of her aroma...her perfume.

I can't help to first praise God for how wonderfully He has made us...senses, memories, and emotions. And as I sit here, Bible open, I pray that my life will be one that is lived in such a way that when He touches me, He remembers my strong, quick response to His touch...just as my fingers remembered the faithful strength of the bannister. I pray that as I live my life here, I will live it in such a way that the aroma causes His eyes to brighten, His heart to dance and rejoice at the memories of how I lived life with Him.

May I be an aroma to the only Great God.

"To God our Savior, Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty, Dominion and power
Both now and forever.
Amen!"

Good morning....

I'm eating my breakfast in the bright sunshine of Lookout Mountain, GA while Jonathan is surrounded in a "fishbowl" of professors at Covenant College, grilling the students in the middle circle in an effort to see who they want to reward with top scholarship opportunities in the fall's Freshman class. I sit in the calm, wooded home of Jane and Henry who so graciously host me when I am here, and pray for my son's ability and character in an intimidating atmosphere... and can't help but ask... how many more times in life will I have the privilege to pray for him in such a manner? Even as I sit here, I feel some tension of nervousness... in sympathy. The funny thing is, he is probably not at all nervous!! Yesterday when I asked him if he was at all anxious he said, "No....I trust that God will be true to give the scholarship to those who need and deserve it." Just as we have always said our desire is, to not stand in the way of someone's education who without the scholarship money would not be able to attend Covenant, Jonathan states his heart is there as well. But just the process is such good experience for life. The understanding that others will and do challenge your abilities, whether by their natural giftedness, or their perseverance and hard work. And one day, he will be praying for someone, maybe a son or friend, who is in a fishbowl of life...and he will know how to pray.

His time is up! Wonder how it went! I thank God for the many diverse experiences, tough and fun, that we have the privilege to savor...and may we savor them, not just live them !

(Phone rings) Oh, it's him! And guess what. He wasn't nervous... said it was "very different". Now is that an answer to my prayer, or just an easy going kid... which is also an answer to prayer (Sometimes!!! You moms know what I mean!).

Well, guess it is conclusive... an answer to prayer...and a forshadowing of God's faithfulness in the next two interviews, the tough ones to come!