(Jonathan's graduation from ACS... Katie, Becky, Mom and the Man of the day!)
Well, here we are in a hotel for a final night's sleep before Katie ascends the local mountain upon which is perched Covenant College. Jon and I help unload her tomorrow and get her moved in. She has responsibilities as the discipleship coordinators team leader of her dorm this year, and her job starts in earnest as soon as she arrives. Part of that outreach starts Friday as she welcomes new students, ie., Freshman, onto campus. That will include her brother! So, on Friday Jon and I will ascend Lookout Mountain and unload his belongs... and that night I will return to my Hampton Inn room... alone!
Wish I could express for you the whole of emotions that goes on with one looking at an empty nest... especially one as "nurturing" in personality as I, but I doubt that even I know the vastness of any upcoming feelings. I have done this 3 times now, and love to see each child become who they are, apart from me... and yet, I miss them so much. But this time no one is left to take the brunt of my "mothering" and provides a very different kind of "empty nesting".
This spring was very hard... and I know that this fall will bring new opportunities to grieve. I know that I will grieve the "loss" of my babies and being needed by them (to some extent), but the loss of my companion David will be central to it all. David and I dreamed of these days together... spending more relaxed time with each other doing whatever we decided to do.... visit the kids, travel, dream, and minister together. And now I find myself facing the loss of those dreams, again, and yet I understand that I have the great privilege of asking God to show me, as a single woman, the dreams He has for me. These next steps are just an adjustment... nothing new to life, and I choose to smile at the adventure. As a matter of fact, I can hardly wait to see what is around this last empty nest...
Besides, do you know how long it has been since I could do things on a daily basis just for ME? 27 years... wonderful ones, yes, but....!!! So, do you know who is going to enjoy being her own boss and sole proprietor of her time? ME! And my plans are to not become committed to many things very quickly. I need time to sit in my home alone and study the Word, think, be quiet, pray and remember... bringing both tears and laughter to my days and nights, I am sure!
"There is a season ... for all things."
And, I am going to truly live it!!
7 comments:
I am hurting for you! And excited for you! Both! I love you and am praying for you!
Hey lady whose life didn't turn out like she planned. Come visit me in Bixby for an evening with another. I have an empty nest that has never been full but always has room for a friend. I love you!
Caroline,
This post brought tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat as I was thinking of you grieving your husband and the dreams that you had for these days after your children left home. My mom has had to grieve the same things and it is soooo hard.
I will pray for you and I know God has amazing things in store for you, but it is still hard to go at it alone. If it ever gets too quiet over there, I would be happy to bring in some very loud children.
You have done an amazing job of raising your children without David. You should be swelling with pride (a good pride- - boast in the Lord and His sustaining power)
Love you!!
As my pastor says, it's tough when a kid leaves the nest, but having a 40-year-old living at home isn't too great either! :) Love ya!!
Sarah, I'll be there before you know it... I'm in Chatanooga and let's get in touch...
Hugs to all of you.... love you all. You're right... 40 year olds at home aren't great either!!
Love you Caroline! I missed this post somehow, but I just read this one and the one above. I hope all of your friends are okay as well. We haven't heard from my grandma either, but we think she is just without power and that is why. But good point about anticipation of the Lord both for us and for Him. I love little reminders, thanks!
Well, you know you have adoptive grandkids over here and an adoptive daughter and son over here too in case you ever get lonely! Like Marci said, we can always fill your house with noise and kids if that ever TRULY be your desire :)
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